Closing the gap through Appreciation and Acknowledgement.
By Lara Barge, Oct 22 2015 08:50PM
Transform you relationship and regain intimacy through the power of Acknowledgement and Appreciation.
Feeling appreciated and acknowledged is a powerful experience that can transform our lives, our self-esteem and openness to life.
In today’s society compliments are often deflected, not only because many of us have been taught not to shine, not to be proud of ourselves, but also compliments can often trigger off the egos negative self belief, and bring up all the things that contradict the compliment. For example, someone being complimented on how organised they are can bring up an internal dialogue about how unorganised they actually feel and make them think of all the things that are not as organised as they would like them to be. The instant negative chatter stops the compliment from being able to land and be fully received.
Being able to compliment in a way that gets under the egos radar and manages to land in someone’s heart, is a wonderful skill to have, and is easy to do once you know how.
Expressing how you feel when you are with someone is a really beautiful way to touch their heart and bring you closer together.
The way to opening someone’s heart is to bare your own. To really touch someone’s heart we must learn to listen to our own, and then express it.
If I think about my partner and what I would say to him right now it would be; “I love how safe I feel when I’m with you, I feel like you’ve really got me. And that opens my heart, it allows me to open to deeper parts of myself. And that is such a gift. I love how when I close, even if I cant imagine being able to open, you manage to penetrate me with your presence and melt my heart back open. And that blows me away every time. I am so touched and feel blessed that you choose me.”
Sharing from your heart what you really feel, rather then your positive judgements/beliefs of them, is pretty much guaranteed to blast their heart open. It can only land if you are speaking the truth of what you feel from your heart. It doesn’t work if you try and formulate it from your mind with what you think they will want to hear. So keep coming back to your heart and taking the risk to feel the vulnerability of your true feelings.
Although this has the potential to blast you both into a deeper place of intimacy, it can also be intense and overwhelming to receive for someone who is not used to being spoken to in this way.
So if this is a very new way of sharing with your partner it can be a good idea to add a little reassurance. Maybe starting with, “I’m feeling so much love for you and have to express it.”
That way it can stop them from spiralling into fear around what has happened and why are you suddenly talking like this. Which is a natural response if its not your normal way of communicating.
If you have no idea how you would express your feelings in this way, or no idea where you would even start, then just take a bit of time for yourself, to feel and acknowledge how you feel.
I feel __(fill in the blank)__ when I’m with you. And that makes me feel ___(fill in blank)____ .
Add a sprinkling of “I love you” wherever it feels appropriate, and if needed, the reassurance that you are expressing your love for them.
Bellow are some suggestions of what you might use in those blanks.
These suggestions are to support and inspire you to listen to your own heart.
Suggestions for filling in the blanks:
• Connected to my passion
• Connected to my joy
If your partner has done something you love, rather then just thanking them for the act, express how it made you feel as well.
Did it make you feel loved, cared for, special, appreciated?
Thank you so much for ___(fill in the blank with what they have done)___, I really appreciate it. It makes me feel ____(fill in blank with how it makes you feel)_____. Having a happy, healthy, thriving, joyful relationship that continues to grow into deeper love and intimacy, takes courage and vulnerability.
Vulnerability is one of the greatest gifts we can bring to our relationships, and one of the most powerful tools for bringing you closer and into more joyful love.
It takes a lot of courage to bare the vulnerability of your heart, but that courage and vulnerability gifts the most beautiful diamonds of the heart.
You probably get the idea by now. It will bring you closer together and hopefully inspire your partner to start sharing their appreciation for you, and if they don’t it may just be that you blew them away and they have no idea what to say. And they may have their own insecurity around not knowing how to express their own feelings. So don’t take it personally if you don’t get the response you want/expect.
This way of communicating can be a gorgeous way to end your day. Before going to sleep take a moment to tell your partner about your love and appreciation for them.
And if you really want to have an extraordinary relationship, start practicing this every day and watch your hearts open more and more every day for the rest of your lives.
I just want to acknowledge the courage it takes to share appreciation in this way, from the heart. In todays crazy world people are often told, or believe, that showing the intensity of feelings is a sign of weakness and shows too much vulnerability. This belief causes people not to show their feelings authentically. We need to start changing these armoured beliefs that you need to hide your feelings for fear of scaring the other off. Challenge the belief that men like the challenge - the challenge doesn’t have to mean hide your feelings. The more authentic you can be the more they can open into their love for YOU, rather then the imaginary you they believe you to be.
So take the risk to show who you really are and see what comes back.
I’d love to hear from you. If you try this let me know your experience.
And if you have any questions around how to take your feelings and put them into words, then feel free to post it below and I will try and reply.
Enjoy the dance of love.
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