Christmas is about to arrive! How will yours be?
By Lara Barge, Dec 24 2015 01:45PM
Christmas time! This can be a joyous heart opening experience or a deep plunge into hell.
Its one of those special occasions that comes with a mix of curse and blessings. And some get hit harder then others.
Remember to be gentle and loving with each other. Not everyone shares what is really going on for them and when they are struggling it can be hard to read them. It becomes easy to misunderstand each other and take things personally and then spiral into difficult and painful dynamics.
The wise words of my mother this evening ~ “You can always start again in every moment. Every moment is a new opportunity.”
Keep reminding yourself of these words.
This time of year can leave people feeling burdened by their responsibilities and the real expectations of others and most importantly the fictional ones that are actually just in their head that create a huge amount of stress.
There can be a mix of the pressure to make it be the best christmas, get the right presents for people, and buy the right food, for everyone else to be happy. And there can also be that looming end of year moment of looking back over the last 12 months and seeing all the things you wish you had done, or hadn’t done, seeing how fast time is flying by and the struggle to keep up and keep on top of everything. Self punishment for not achieving enough can so easily plunge into peoples lives.
Everyone is unique and has their own story, so remember to be sensitive. Especially to those you think you know everything about. Often couples say they know what their partner is thinking/feeling but given a chance can discover there is so much more going on that they don’t know. All the things their partner keeps to themselves so as not to be a burden, or because they feel too uncomfortable about themselves to share their truth.
Love each other open this Christmas!
Give a good dose of regular reassurance and appreciation!
Any existing relationship stresses and resentments can so easily get magnified when being surrounded by family/friends. When struggling in a relationship it can often feel like their is a big distance between you and watching a partner laughing and having fun with friends and family can be really painful as it highlights the distance. Even just seeing other couples being happy and loved up can rub salt in the wound and create extra stress and resentments at seeing how far you have drifted form that loved up bubble you were once in.
Adding alcohol to the mix can either be a god send or add to the hell as the challenges become too much and things get emotional or explosive.
We are all doing the best we can though, and if we aren’t doing so well its best to give a bit of extra support rather then adding some extra dynamite to the mix.
If someone is being distant or reactive it usually means they are hurting and need your love and support to reassure them, remind them how much you love them and long to feel that closeness again.
Watch where your mind starts to whirl with negative thoughts, the things your partner is doing that drive you crazy. The more you focus on them the more they consume you. In those moments try taking a deep breathe, relaxing your body and reaching out to them, giving them a hug and a kiss rather then pulling away into your thoughts.
Instead of thinking how you can’t bare to do another Christmas like this, think of the little steps you can take to make it be the Christmas you want it to be. You have the power to change your reality. If you are feeling distance between you then find the courage to reach out.
They are probably hurting just as much as you are. Anger and irritation is often just covering up pain and vulnerability.
Remember to love. And most importantly remember to love yourself.
Remind yourself how wonderful and gorgeous you are! Fill yourself up with the joy of life. You deserve to feel full to the brim with love and gratitude for life.
May you be gentle with yourselves this Christmas and enjoy the beautiful moments!
Love and Blessings